Listening when someone needs to talk

Listening

• Let them speak without interrupting.

• Try not to let your own emotions take over.

• Don’t push for details — they will share what they feel safe to share.

• Avoid asking “why” questions like:

• “Why didn’t you say something earlier?”

• “Why haven’t you gone to the police?”

These types of questions can feel blaming.

Believing

• It’s okay to say, “I believe you.”

• Avoid saying things like:

• “I’m shocked – they didn’t seem like the type.”

• “They’re such a nice person.”

• Don’t try to explain or excuse the abusive behaviour.

Reassuring

• Let them know it’s not their fault.

• Tell them they haven’t done anything wrong.

• Remind them you’re there if they want to talk again.

• Say thank you for trusting me.

• Let them know you’ll support them in ways you can — it’s okay to also look after your wellbeing and set boundaries.

Validating

• Use words that show you understand it’s serious:

• “That sounds controlling.”

• “It doesn’t sound like you were able to consent.”

• “That sounds like domestic/family/sexual violence.”

• It’s okay to say, “What’s happening to you is not okay.”

Respect

• Respect their choices.

• Not everyone is ready to go to the police or reach out for formal support.

• Victims often know what’s safest for them — they’ve lived through the abuse.

• Let them take the lead in deciding what to do next.

Patience

• It can take time for someone to step away from an unsafe relationship.

• Many victims return to the person using violence several times before leaving for good.

• Be patient. What they need most is non-judgmental support that lasts.

Reaching Out

• You can call a domestic, family or sexual violence support service without saying the victim’s name to ask for advice. Contacts & Resources.

• Supporting someone through this can be emotionally hard.
  Make sure you also take care of yourself. It’s okay to get help, too.
  Contacts & Resources.

• If it is an emergency or life-threatening situation, call 000.